Things have been quiet here this week at the King’s Arse. About the only fun we’ve had was when Sister Mary Frances came in collecting for the church fund and old smart-mouthed Pete said to her, “Hey sister, what did you put down on your resume for job title, Bride of Jesus?”
She looked at him with that cold, penetrating look that only a perpetual virgin can give you and said, “No. I put Nun of the Above.”
That shut Pete up for a while. He hates when we laugh at him.
I could see that she looked tired and I said, "Tough life, eh Sister?"
"That it is, George. That it is. You know, the worse of it is these kids today. I can't seem to teach them anything. Sometimes it feels like the Lord has decided to try me with the biggest bunch of little morons in the state. I wish I could do like we used to in the old days, give ‘em a sharp rap across the knuckles with a ruler. That‘d make the little crappers, pardonmyfrench, wake up."
"Are they really that bad?" I asked, surreptitiously rubbing my hand as I remembered that ruler.
"Oh my, yes. I'll give you an example. A few days ago I overheard some of them talking about Easter so I thought I would eavesdrop and see if they had learned anything at all. I mean, we had been talking about it just a couple of weeks earlier. Anyway, Johnny Riley said Easter is when we dress up in costumes and go around to people's houses getting candy.
I was shocked and started to say something when Laurie Taylor spoke up and called him a dummy. She said that Easter was when they decorated the tree and opened presents. Can you believe that?
Before I could scold her Alan Reagan looked like he was going to redeem my faith when he said, "You're both idiots. Easter is when we celebrate because Jesus died on the cross for our sins and they put him in the ground and in three days he rose... and saw his shadow and we had six more weeks of winter."
I was so upset I snapped my Rosary. Beads went everywhere.”
She had us all laughing with that one and we wound up giving more than we meant to.